Someone once told me that you know you're done having kids when you feel like you have one too many.
And after I had Jack, I totally felt that way. Not that I didn't want him, because I so wanted him, and loved (still do) him- every tiny, little piece and part of him. But, Jack made 5, and FIVE kids is a LOT of kids. (And still is.) Five is the new Seven. Really, it is.
And, yes, I realize that my baby is still a baby. And still very baby-ish. And I understand why the baby of the family is the baby of the family. I find myself thinking, saying, wishing "please stay my baby forever, please...just a little bit longer."
Because we're done having kids. We just can't have anymore. Because with every child there is more dinner to be made, more laundry to be done, more energy required to survive the day. More drama. More noise. More fighting. More arguing. More chaos. And even though I so want one more baby, I have to remind myself that I want to be a good mom, too. And that one more child could possibly send me over the edge.
But with every child there is more laughter. There is less selfishness. There is more family. More kisses. More hugs. More spirit. More snuggling. More action-packed drama. More wrestle-mania. More special moments. More memories. More tears. More love. And, so maybe, one more baby, wouldn't be so bad.
But Aaron is an old man. 40 this year. And we have a LOT of kids. And our lives are pretty crazy these days. And we have a 16 year old who will be graduating and starting out life on his own pretty soon. And a 13 year old who will be dating, and requiring a stone wall and mote around the house to keep the boys away. And that will be a pretty expensive thing to do. And let's not forget about our 3 little boys who have yet to completely destroy the house, and of course that will take some energy and focus on their part... and some patience, and really forgiving love on mine.
So, yes... maybe I should just get over wanting another baby. Maybe.
And, really, I am trying really, really hard to do just that. Urging my siblings and in-laws to please have another baby... and please let it be a boy, so I can give them all of my cute boy stuff, and enjoy snuggling their sweet, teeny-tiny baby.
But the "getting over it" part gets real hard when you have friends with cute babies that look like this.
And I have a real soft spot for ones that look like this. Because there aren't a whole lot of babies that are born with a full head of black hair, and when I see one, I think I should just take them home with me. "Um, I think that baby is supposed to be mine..."
And this girls entire website doesn't help AT ALL. Because not only are there the sweet baby pictures, but also the background music that makes me turn to my husband and say, "please, can we just have one more? Please, please, please!" And then he looks at me with that look, and I think he is going to say "if you want one more, then let's talk about it", but instead he says with a smile...
"I want you to be a good mom to our 5 kids. Not a crappy mom to 6."
And then I say "It's Ok. I still love you, even though you didn't say what I wanted you to say- and for that you owe me a 20 minute back rub tonight while I cry myself to sleep."
Meanwhile, it seems everyone is either feeling the bumps of pregnancy, or finding their family through the miracle of adoption. And while I am very, very happy for all of them... in fact, super happy for all of you... I am also trying to manage my cravings. And asking myself the questions...
Are we really done? And will I ever NOT WANT another baby?
If you have any advice, or insight, (or a baby with a full head of black hair, or a Japanese baby, that you don't want) feel free to share it... or drop the baby off at my house. Call for directions.